Why project managers make surprisingly good friends

You might not think you want a project manager as a friend. We’re the ones at work who nag you about deadlines, keep receipts on every missed deliverable, and send calendar invites like it’s a competitive sport. Not exactly the makings of a carefree Saturday night companion, right?

But the truth is, the very things that make PMs the unsung heroes of messy projects are the same things that make us really good friends.

When I think about what I value in friendship—trust, kindness, understanding, and someone who has my back—it’s exactly what I’ve spent 20+ years doing in project management. A good PM is the steady one in the storm. We’re the person who listens, mediates, makes sure everyone is on the same page. We’ll rally the group, keep the mood balanced, and if you need it, we’ll advocate for you until you feel seen and heard.

Of course, in projects we sometimes have to be rigid. We’re bound to scope, budget, and deadlines, and that can make us come across as hardasses. Which is why I included “lovable hardass” as an essential principle of project management in by book, Project Management for Humans.

At work, it means pushing people to deliver within boundaries. But in friendship? It means nudging you toward being your best self without forgetting to love you through it.

Why I retired from being the friend group organizer

I’ve always been the organizer in my friendships. The one coming up with ideas, booking tickets, setting the schedule, hosting parties, making sure there’s enough food and beer, and trying to keep everyone more or less aligned. It’s basically my project manager brain on autopilot, but with beer.

At some point in my life, I thought it would be a good idea to wrangle all of my college friends and their families into a cozy New Year’s getaway in the Pocono Mountains. On paper, it sounded idyllic: cabins in the woods, kids running around, hot tubs, shared meals, bonding.

In practice, it was anything but. The whole thing unraveled in classic PM fashion: too many people, too many opinions, not enough alignment.

First, one of my friends straight-up disappeared and left his kid with us. Imagine trying to sneak five minutes of peace in the hot tub, only to have a child cannonball in next to you. Goodbye, bubbles. Hello, babysitting duty.

Then came the “let’s plan an outing” phase. Half the group was enthusiastic. The other half retreated to their rooms like we were proposing a military operation. Totally fair! Everyone deserves their own vacation experience. But as the organizer, it felt like I couldn’t win. Suggest something and I was bossy. Suggest nothing and I was useless. That, my friends, is exactly what it feels like to run a project.

The cherry on top? Meal planning. We had it all mapped out. Each family had a night. Done and done. Until the last night, when someone not even officially in our group showed up carrying stacks of grocery-store tins—pre-made meals that just needed to be shoved in the oven. The problem? Another friend had already spent hours planning, shopping, and lovingly preparing a beautiful homemade dinner. Suddenly, their effort felt cheapened by a parade of foil pans. They were furious, and honestly, I didn’t blame them. Meanwhile, I just poured another drink and thought, "This is why project managers drink."

The trip was fun in moments, but by the end I was burnt out. That’s when I realized something important. As a PM, you can’t just throw up your hands and walk away. As a friend, you absolutely can. And sometimes, that’s the healthiest choice.

When your PM instincts backfire

Here’s the thing about being a project manager in your personal life: the instincts don’t turn off just because you’re not in front of a timeline. When you’ve spent years making sure no ball gets dropped, it’s hard to sit back and watch friends be…well…chaotic humans.

That’s why I was always the one rallying the group text, locking in dinner reservations, booking the Airbnb, and making sure there were enough beers in the fridge. And for a long time, I leaned into it. I thought, “This is just who I am. This is how I show up as a friend.” Until I realized I was the only one showing up like that. Everyone else was just living their lives.

Eventually, I hit burnout. The group stopped planning as many gatherings, and guess what? Nobody stepped up to fill the organizer role. The invites just stopped. Which is both fascinating and a little depressing. Without a PM friend running point, the machine breaks down.

That rigidity that works wonders at the office doesn’t always translate to friendships. At work, being a lovable hardass earns respect. In friendships, it can make you the buzzkill. The friend who’s like, “We need to leave in five minutes or we’ll miss the reservation,” while everyone else is three mimosas deep and having the time of their lives. That’s when you realize friendship doesn’t need a project plan. Sometimes it just needs you to shut up and pass the chips.

Advocacy is the throughline

One thing I’ve always believed is that project managers are the best advocates a team can have. We’re the ones fighting for realistic timelines, fair workloads, and making sure no one gets steamrolled. It’s not glamorous, but it’s critical.

Friendship is the same at its core. You might not need me to build a project schedule for our night out (god forbid), but if you need me to back you up, defend you, or simply be in your corner, I’m there. The instinct to advocate doesn’t stop at the office door. It’s baked into who we are.

The takeaway

If you’re a project manager reading this, know that you don’t have to carry your job into your friendships. You don’t have to be the organizer all the time. You don’t have to plan every meal or book every Airbnb. But if you do lean into it, let it be because it feels natural, not because you’re afraid everything will fall apart without you.

And if you’re not a project manager, stop underestimating us. We might not be the flashiest friends, but we’ll be the ones who show up, listen, and keep things steady. We’ll also occasionally pour you a glass of wine and tell you it’s time to get your act together, and you’ll probably thank us for it.

TL;DR - Project managers make surprisingly good friends. We’re steady, empathetic, and always ready to advocate for you. Sometimes we organize the hell out of things, sometimes we burn out, and sometimes we just pass the chips. But if you want a friend who will always have your back, even when the trip goes off the rails, find yourself a lovable hardass.